GTech the Red-Nosed Clown

Merry Christmas! You know, since I won’t be writing again until next year. This issue has a lot of material, a tiny pinch of which (say that ten times fast) is actually related to the season. But before I get to all the nonsense, I feel I need to speak on Saphira’s behalf with regards to how many views the “Troll Research Project” got. Our poor dragon only counted fifty views…in three weeks. And I advertised that blog in more groups than I have before. Well, thank goodness I’m not pursuing a career in advertising…or comedy.

To start off this issue, I did something different since I had zero ideas for questions. I decided to get a question from someone in the Facebook group. It was sort of a contest, the prize being an administrative position in the group, and Twiggy got the highest number of votes. So with these whiteboards, we’re doing a little time travel and/or reflection. In order, the responders are Twiggy, Ian (his post was replied to by Twiggy, then Frofro), Keith, Sara, and me (yes, I decided to answer the question for once).

In case you can’t read Sara’s, it says, “I would honestly want to go to the future. Not the past. -_- So, can that be the next question?” We’ll see, darlin’, we’ll see.

Another friend of mine had a whiteboard of her own that caught my eye, and all I have to say is that I couldn’t agree more, Kseniya. Just re-label that whale-shark with “First Semester” in general, and you’ve got the story of my life.

Now I don’t know if any of you follow IHateBeingBored.net on Facebook, but I found something from him/her that all hypochondriacs can appreciate. Apparently all that complaining we do…is actually good for us! You heard me; we’ve got a legit doctor, David Solly, on our side who says complaining makes us feel physically better. Right on!

Speaking of complaining, who doesn’t complain about their parents being too nosy? They’re always unhealthily concerned about us, and when something doesn’t seem right, they start searching our rooms, our sock drawers…and even our computers. Might I take a moment to ask how many of you tend to stay logged in to Facebook? I would strongly advise changing that lazy habit, or your parents will troll you so bad you’ll have to move to a new city. Just see what happened to this little hot-shot named Chris.

Something tells me that kid Chris currently goes by the name “Justin Bieber”.

Before you decide to hate me for saying that, give me a chance to tell you a completely unrelated story to distract you. This one comes from Trent, who says he had a teacher this past semester with a rather…profane…habit, if you will. Apparently a certain Dr. V loves to find ways to flip off his students. It’s simply a matter of preferring the middle finger over the index finger when it comes to pointing at things, but there came a time when said middle finger was used to demonstrate an object perpendicular to a horizontal pipe he’d drawn on the board. Trent would never speak badly of this teacher, however, and instead he says you can learn a lot from him (besides sign language, of course). His only complaint is that Dr. V (is for Vendetta) is a harsh grader, and when he puts that “F” on your paper…well, we all know what that stands for.

In case you haven’t had enough stories, Keith has another one for you, and it’s been passed around chain letters for years.

“I was at WalMart buying a bag of Purina dog chow for my dog , in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog chow, RIGHT ??? So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care, with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Better watch what you ask me and be prepared for my answer. I have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say........................ Now that you've read it I have to confess, I copied it from someone else… share and make someone else smile today.”

I hope that story’s real. And more than that, I hope this story inspired people to invent their own stories any time someone asked them a stupid question. I know, some people ask stupid questions just to start a conversation, but what better conversation could there be than this? You don’t risk sharing personal information, because you’re lying the whole time. So really, you’re both protecting yourself and entertaining someone else. The FBI will never know what to do with you.

We don’t really have too many sentimental moments in this blog, but it is the winter season after all. I found this picture forever ago, but I could never fit it with standard material. So here you have the best way to troll ever…if you intend to make someone feel good about themselves.

Sweet, right? Cuddles and fluff and all that other fun stuff? Yeah, that’s great. Moving on.

Along the line of old photos, I have one that was supposed to go in the last issue, but I had so much material I forgot about it. The story behind it is that I walked into the elevator one day, and there was a guy standing on one side and a tall box on the other. As soon as I pressed my floor’s button and we started moving, a girl exploded out of the box and scared me half to death. Turns out she and the guy had been doing this for a while just out of boredom. I thought it was pretty funny, so I asked if she wouldn’t mind letting me get a photo for my blog. So here she is, ladies and gentlemen: Box Girl.

Surprises don’t always have to be quite as sudden as Box Girl’s method, however. In fact, it’s a little more fun if you can trick someone for a longer period of time, like the way Dean and Rog do on their radio show. When I lived in Magnolia, my dad and I would always listen to their show when he drove me to school, and they never failed to make me laugh. Their show works like this: someone calls them and gives them a little information about a loved one or a friend whose birthday is coming up soon, and on that person’s birthday, they call them pretending to be someone who could rile them up, whether it be someone with the homeowner’s association or just a customer. I strongly recommend that you go to the website and listen to the episode from our favorite date, 11/11/11, in which Dean and Rog call a Hispanic lady named Laura pretending to be from the immigration office.

It’s true; politics are a dangerous topic. Normally I try to avoid bringing a conversation to that, but I suppose since I’ve allowed immigration to make an appearance in this blog, I can make a little room for Herman McCain. Let’s face it; politicians troll, too, and none do it better than this guy, whose entire campaign is based off of… well, I’ll just let you hear what Rachel Maddow has to say about it so you don’t get mad at me. This video is thirteen minutes long, but you can get all the info you need in the first three (click here).

Chinese food. Just the thought makes you happy, right? Lots of fried things and noodles and sauces…what’s not to love? There’s so much to choose from, but let’s just say you’re a broke college student like me and you can’t afford to buy fifty different Chinese take-out boxes with all your favorite munchies. So where do you go? The Chinese buffet, of course! Get as much as you want of everything you want for around eight bucks. But when you finally get full, do you leave just like you’d leave Golden Corral? Oh, no. Because Americans can’t properly cook Chinese food, and we want more! Now I hate to rain on your parade, but the Golden Dragon restaurant has a problem with people like you. They don’t like it when you get full and stick around hoping to get hungry again, so they made this sign.

And I’d be willing to bet that when you drove by that sign, your car gauges morphed into this.

Thank you Ruffles for that picture, by the way (I think he found it on TexAgs).

The last commercial trolling item I have for this issue comes from Ian, who wrote, “If you read the preview of Kingdoms of Amalur on ign.com along the right side of the screen it has some information about the game, you see this ridiculousness regardless of whether you check the preview for the ps3, xbox360, or pc version.” Here’s the ridiculousness he’s talking about below.

I have to ask…is it available on PC? Are you sure? I mean, I’m really having my doubts here.

Now we begin to venture into Christmas territory, and who’s better to start with than the Sully statue? I keep thinking I’m done taking pictures of him, but someone always manages to put something new at his feet, and with finals being the last thing before break, people were getting desperate.

Sadly enough, many of those bills blew away, and eventually all were pocketed (surprise, surprise). Then people decided the best way to leave a dollar that would surely stay at Sully’s feet…was to make a tree out of pennies.

My guess is that after that, some students still weren’t doing well on their finals, so they decided they needed to be direct with Sully and write him a letter.

Amen to that. Seriously, I was praying for the exact same thing.

Anyway, most of us made it through finals unscathed, but things at Texas Tech looked a little worse. It seems that finals there really took a toll on people’s sanity until finally some hooligan (word is interchangeable with “Texas Tech student”) started running around the library in his underwear and a cape (click here). Thanks to Lacy (yes, she’s a Tech student, but she’s cool) for this video.

Finally I can start writing about this issue’s main topic (which I was directed to by Sean): Physics Clown. It all started on May 4, 2010, when TexAg user HipHopAggie posted a complicated physics question on the forum in hopes of receiving some help. A few people responded, which normally would end the thread, but then Physics Clown (formerly GTech Ag) posted this photo.

The forum blew up over this topic, and others began posting their physics questions just to see this guy respond. He seemed to enjoy the attention, and he resumed responding to questions by posting creepy pictures of himself in his clown mask. One even included a gun in the background.

Such a strong fan base developed that he began posting non-physics-related photos. This one is my favorite.

At one point Physics Clown went to some sort of convention and got pictures with various costumed persons. However, it seems he really ticked some people off.

Can you blame them, though? I mean who lets a creepy clown wander around public places without a straight jacket on? User BRP summed it up when he/she said Physics Clown reminded him/her of the clown in Zombieland (click here). And other A&M students must agree or they wouldn’t have started this movement all across campus.

Well that concludes this Christmas blog and also the first half of WB&TR. I can’t believe a semester has already passed us by. So for making it this far, I have a gift for you viewers, and that is a picture of me trolling in the real world. I trolled my parents by wrapping their gifts in this paper.

All it is is packing paper with “I am a broke college student who can’t afford wrapping paper,” written all over it. I hope I have brightened your day. And before I sign off, be aware that our Christmas dragon, Sarajevo, will be counting your views.

Merry Christmas, and keep trolling!

The Troll Research Project

Happy belated Thanksgiving! Or as most of you morons like to say, “Forget Thanksgiving; it’s CHRISTMAAAAAAS!!!” My heart goes out to the poor minorities who don’t even believe in Jesus; they’re getting blasted from every angle with holly, jolly, tinsel-fluffed, candy-coated, pumpkin-scented nonsense for at least two months straight, and they’ve probably already stabbed their radios to death for the fear of being brainwashed by the endless stream of Christmas carols all poorly recreated by famous country artists (thank goodness my town’s stations are normal). My heart also goes out to the grinches like myself who can’t stand the sight of cheery cherry cheeks until, at the earliest, the first day of December. All of us just wanted to enjoy scaring people on Halloween, but our prey had already gone soft, as Walmart had begun filling the seasonal shopping aisle with red and green winter things. Kinda hard to scare innocent children when all they can think about is how much they want that dorky, plastic Rudolph. Regardless, Thanksgiving is indeed over, and Christmahannakwanzadan is on the way (there’s your shout-out, minorities, so enjoy it). With that said, it’s time to move on to this blog’s material. Is it Christmasy content? Of course not! Didn’t I tell you I don’t want to hear about Christmas until December 1st? This, my dears, is my revenge on the people who wouldn’t even let me enjoy Halloween before they threw that C-word my way!

Just kidding about that “getting revenge” part. In all seriousness, I expect you will enjoy this blog, as it is The Troll Research Project! In case you don’t know what that is (shame on you), I watched the movie “Trollhunter” so that I could compare mythological trolls to real-world trolls. I will, of course, cover that last, but I strongly discourage you from scrolling ahead to it. You see, the whiteboard question for this issue is not as…stupid…as my other questions have been. This time, we’re talking about world domination. Three brave souls dared to share their secrets as to how they will rise to power. In order, I present to you the plots of Keith, Ian, and Bethany.

Very daring plans, if I may say so myself. Based on this information, apparently Bethany already is controlling the world which means Ian plans to control her. While all that’s going on, Keith is infecting us with internet viruses, so if your computer has crashed recently, you’re all out of luck, I suppose. Better go talk to him about getting an antidote in exchange for your soul…or something like that. The story doesn’t end there. Two years ago, my friend Amanda said she was going to take over the world, and knowing her, it would involve evil, adorable kittens. I am her outwardly loyal supporter, but once she dominates the world and gives me Texas so that I may make it a reasonable country, yes, country, I intend to succeed, if not, overthrow her depending on how quickly my minions develop. And who would be my minions, you ask? First I must tell you how this will all begin. The Renaissance-woman of our time, the physics teacher at Asheville School, Ms. Ciancuilli, loves bunnies. She also loves being smarter than everyone else, so with that in mind, she will breed the first intelligent bunnies. As she instructs them, they will develop ridiculously awesome mohawks as a symbol of their wisdom, and at this point, I will capture them and ship them to Saudi Arabia to meet geometry teacher/school rock band director Darth Craigus (Mr. Craig) who will teach them to play the electric guitar. Then finally, the bunnies with mohawks will return to me and assist me in taking over the world with rock and roll!

Not gonna lie, I feel ridiculous now that I’ve just said that. Kudos to you if you’re still reading. Our next board comes from Mark. It’s absolutely bizarre, and I cannot tell you what’s happening in that picture. I like these boards of his, though. What better way to troll than to BLOW YOUR
MIND?

Seriously, what is happening? There’s a fish…eating an Earth-head who’s reaching out to a sleeping sun…but they’re all on Mars…and there’s a trollface on the moon… If you have any idea what any of this means, please write about it in the Facebook group. This is crazy. It’s so much madness, it’s Sparta.

The next three boards come from Angie. She said they’re all random ones from around her dorm, so…snaps for Cornell trolls! Get it? That’s a Legally Blonde reference…

Oh, great! So we have another person trying to conquer the world? Who is that obnoxious, egotistical airhead, anyway? Chuck Norris? Well, probably not… he would’ve just roundhouse-kicked the letters into his door instead of writing them out…

These next two pictures are also from Angie, but I wanted to have a break here since the letter might be hard to read. It says,


“Dear Isaias [obnoxious privacy censor],


Your room has been sealed due to severe lack of swag and overall scrubbiness. This room came under investigation due to complaints from your neighbors about a dangerous lack of swag coming from the room. Our best brofessionals are attempting to re-swagify this room. Until such time as this room becomes safe to inhabit, no one can enter this room. Also, you have been removed from your position as TA of Swagonomics and are suspended pending investigation into your clearly failed credentials. Thank you and have a wonderful day.


Sincerely,


Dan [obnoxious privacy censor]


P.S. Come at me bro.”

Rude. But funny.

I stole today’s last board from RuthAnn, and she was kind enough to tell me she intentionally left A&M’s mark on the blackboard at the Love Shack burger place in Denton. In case y’all don’t know, Denton is where people live if they go to University of North Texas or Texas Women’s University. So that’s two colleges offended, or maybe one and a half (I know UNT likes us at least a little bit).

Being the good copyright-acknowledger that I am, I went out to find the link to this Love Shack and stumbled upon their menu. I copied the items I thought might be of interest to you.

So…you’re going, right? To that burger place in Denton? I know I am! That place is probably a landmark! Plus they have a different milkshake for every day of the week, and I don’t know about y’all, but I love milkshakes. If y’all know me from Happy Yogurt, y’all know that’s what I get most of the time…except they’re just shakes since they’re lactose-free…and a few hundred calories less…

Last thing about Love Shack: on their website, they have a blackboard that you can draw on here. Facebook people, feel free to use this for any random drawings! To save it, you just hold the function (Fn) button on your keyboard and press the print screen (PrtSc) button. Then paste it on Paint, and cut off all the unnecessary edges.

And now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for… or the point you scrolled to when I started babbling about how I planned to take over the world…

THE TROLL RESEARCH PROJECT!!!

First and foremost, it is important that you understand what the mythological troll is. You can read two short paragraphs about them here. And once you’ve read that, take a look at this diagram by humon on DeviantArt here. She draws out and explains different features that some trolls might have. (And if you ever have an extra moment, be sure to browse her gallery, especially her political comic “Scandinavia and the World”; I don’t even like politics, but that comic is hilarious!)

The second and final part of what you must know is about internet and real-world trolls, aka the people this blog supports. DeviantArt offers a humorous description of such trolls here as well as some information on the origination of the trollface here.

Now we may begin! Basically, the movie “Trollhunter” starts off with three college students intending to make a film about a man who is accused of poaching bears according to locals. A majority of the film is in Norwegian (it does take place in Norway, after all), and it’s done in a mockumentary style like “The Blair Witch Project”. Of the characters, a Cinema Knife Fight reviewer said, “…they’re not half as annoying as Heather from ‘The Blair Witch Project’, so it’s not a chore to watch what happens next.” Quite true. I appreciate that he made a distinction between the two movies, because let’s face it: “The Blair Witch Project” gave mockumentaries a bad name, especially because of that one scene where snot-faced Heather cried to her parents about how stupid she was. What, was that not what she was crying about? Oh… well, that’s all I got out of it. Anyway, “Trollhunter” is quite an epic mockumentary if I may say so myself, and the Cinema Knife Fight guy gave it three and a half knives (I’m guessing that’s similar to a star scale…). You’d better believe him, especially since he’s got all those knives to throw around. Then again, I did watch the movie from a real-world troll perspective which made it pretty funny. Here’s what I got out of it:

From the beginning, the three college students are acting like stalkers, following this poor “bear poacher” around wherever he goes, filming him and asking him questions even after he tells them to go away. They follow his beat-up off-roading vehicle into the woods one night, and after losing him at a fork, they happen to go the right direction until they find his vehicle without him in it. They get nosy and start poking around, and next thing you know, Mr. Poacher, aka Hans, jumps out of the trees and yells, “Troooooooll!” If I hadn’t known what the movie was about, I would’ve thought he was yelling at them. But alas, they scatter, Thomas gets bitten by some large creature, and they eventually regroup at Hans’ car. The little stalker trolls do get a visit from karma, however, when they discover that their own car is completely destroyed and covered in slime. Serves ‘em right.

After that incident, Hans suddenly becomes a teddy bear and allows them to go with him on his next troll hunt even though his work is supposed to be top secret. The skeptical students poke fun at him only to find themselves shaking in their boots when they see a Tosserlad (the Cerberus of
trolls) taller than the trees start running after them. Once they find Hans’ car, there’s this heroic scene where Hans prepares to shoot the troll with a high-intensity UV gun…and he starts singing. He has this deep, rich tone, and I couldn’t help but be reminded of the Trololol song. This melody seemed to lure the troll closer until at last Hans shoots him with the light, and he turns to stone. So I guess if you want to catch a troll, just walk around singing Trololol…and throw them in a tanning bed if you need to kill them. That makes sense to me. After all, I don’t get much sunlight, and I’m a troll. Also I’m pretty sure the amount of sun I’d need to get a decent tan would kill me…

Remember when I said that guy Thomas got bitten? It should be no surprise that he got bitten by a troll. Later on, he starts to feel nauseous, but he presses on with his friends to complete their film journey. A blood sample from another troll reveals that there’s a rabies epidemic responsible
for the trolls’ aggressive behavior and Thomas’ illness. You hear that, trolls? You are infected, and your trolling is infecting other people. Wonderful, I say! After all, this blog of mine encourages that very practice, so keep at it! I just wouldn’t suggest biting people; that nonsense is for Twilight. I do need to warn you, though, that no matter how you troll, the government is after you and seeks to kill you and prevent anyone from knowing about you. Yes, it’s true; the teddy bear Hans works for the government and therefore cannot be trusted. So if we, as trolls, hate the government, I suppose that makes us all anarchists.

There is other valuable information about trolls to be gleaned from the movie. For example, the veterinarian said they are mammals, as are people, which explains how it is possible for people to become trolls. Also, if you read humon’s diagram, you would notice she said trolls tend to look like normal humans. The next bit of info that is useful to know is that when trolls roar, they sound like auto-tuned cougars. Now let me ask you, what do internet trolls tend to do with a video that’s not supposed to be funny? They auto-tune it. Do you remember the YouTube video “Best Cry Ever”? Trolls auto-tuned that, and if you don’t believe me, you can go here. (Getting tired of how many links I have? I could make my own series of Zelda games with all of these! Get it? ‘Cuz “Link” is the name of the main character in the… know, what? Nevermind.) The third basic fact I learned about trolls is that they can live anywhere from one thousand to twelve hundred years. We know that human bodies can’t live that long, but don’t we consider ourselves to live through our future generations and legacies? I’m telling you, trolling lasts a long time, and we’re talking millenniums. And speaking of lasting a long time, Hans did say that as trolls aged, they gained extra heads, which for males made them more attractive to females and more intimidating to other males, essentially making them better trolls. This might explain why senile, old people get crabby and start trolling better than any of us would ever have the nerve to.

The fourth and final basic fact I learned about trolls from this movie is very interesting and deserves its own paragraph. Hans had asked the students in the first part of the movie if any of them believed in God, and the implication was clear that he did not want them with him if they did. They all said they didn’t, but at one point when they were trapped in a cave waiting for a family of trolls to leave, the camera guy, Kalle, panicked and revealed he was a Christian. His frantic confession alerted the trolls of their position, and as they all attempted to run away, guess who got eaten? The Christian. Later, Thomas and Johanna called upon a Muslim camerawoman to take his place. Now, you would agree that Muslims believe in God, yes? But how do you explain the fact that the troll she saw paid no special attention to her? And why did Hans use the blood of, specifically, a Christian man to lure a troll his way earlier in the movie? See, I don’t think believing in God is the issue with trolls. I think what trolls find tasty in human blood is them believing in Jesus as the Son of God. And then I point to the fact that trolls have very big
noses which, wouldn’t you agree, is a Jewish trait? I’m just saying, Jews and Christians have their little debates now and then just as real-world trolls and normal people do. And if you’re just so astonished and offended that I went there, please feel free to isolate yourself until you learn to laugh. Let’s face it; the connection that movie provides is hilarious.

That is all I have for you tonight on “Trollhunter”. There are other funny moments in that movie and even a couple of trollface grins, but if you want to see those, you’ll have to watch the movie yourself! Click the picture below to go to the official website, and you can see the trailer. If you want to see the whole movie, it’s available on Netflix.

I hope you enjoyed this issue of WB&TR! Saphira is counting your views, and she told me to remind you to CHECK A REACTION BOX BELOW. Have a wonderful week, and, as always, keep trolling.

Troooooll!

Smiley Face

These past couple of weeks have been pretty quiet, and by that I mean there hasn't been that much trolling. Less trolling means less blog material. Makes me sad, but ah, well. In case you were wondering, the Halloween blog got fifty-nine views as of the eleventh, which isn't bad considering I only advertised it once. Moving on.

Two weeks ago, I asked for everyone's favorite movie quote. I thought that'd be a good topic, but since I only got two responses out of over 60 members, I'm guessing I need to go extreme next time. Anyway, here's what two lovely ladies said, Devon being the first and Bethany, the second.

Personally my favorite quote is a lot funnier... that would be, "I'm gonna kill you. Smiley face," from "Get Him to the Greek". I haven't even seen that movie, but someone mentioned it at Happy Yogurt and totally made my night. Seriously, I throw "smiley face"s (grammar...?) all over the place. Smiley face. (yo hey, that rhymes...smiley face)

Last week it came to my attention that my friend Mark was not a part of the WB&TR group. Shame, shame, right? Well he is a part of the group now and has contributed something for us. I'm not sure if this is his own computer blueboard or what, but I appreciate the "Finding Nemo" reference. Smiley face.

Now I don't know about y'all, but I love Facebook trolling. The last post was filled with them, and I loved it. I only have two for two-day (See that? See what I did there? It's kinda like "to-day" but with a "two" instead of a "to"? ...Fine, don't laugh. Smiley face.), but they're so awesome I'd say they count for two each... or like one and a half... eight sevenths minimum...

Wait, before you see the next pic, you know what Nyan Cat is, right? I mean, if you don't, here's a link. This particular version is only one hundred hours long, so enjoy it while it lasts. Just a warning, your computer might crash trying to load it all, but you know how computers are. I mean how ridiculous is it that they can't load a hundred hours of quality footage? Cheap. That's all I hafta say 'bout that. (Didja get it? Didja recognize that quote? It's "Forrest Gump" people, come on!) (Am I crazy for yelling at people in my blog who may not even deserve it? N'aw, I'm perfectly normal. *twitch* Smiley face.)

Anyway, here is a joke from Keith. I would've typed it out, but I'm lazy as heck on Monday's. Enjoy the Facebookness of it.

Is it bad that I had to read that joke a couple times before I got it? Yes? Well I'll get that checked out another day. But now it's time for still visual stimulation, aka pictures. You get to see A&M's statue of Sully again. Before you start whining, let me just say that this picture was taken quite soon after Halloween...and my fellow exam-takers gave him a much better offering than lousy pennies.

If you can't tell what it is, it's candy. Yes, someone offered candy to a statue. Personally if I was Sully, I'd be all like, "Heck to the yeah! I'll definitely give you good luck on your next test!" By the way, that little false quote was not intended to be funny. I'm just that lame. Smiley face.

This next picture is from Twiggy, and let's just say it's on my bucket list now.

For those of you who are anti-war, just remember that you don't have to use missile balloons if you wish to do this yourself. You could always make it look like cuddly bunnies are chasing you, or you could make it look like a child or Justin Bieber is hanging onto your vehicle quite desperately to avoid the wrath of the tires behind you. If you use Justin Bieber, though, people like me might shoot at him...and accidentally hit you...which would be ironic since you're anti-war...

I think now is a good time to mention that even though Veteran's Day has passed, there are eight veterans that I know of who follow WB&TR who deserve to be honored any day of the year. So I just want to give a shout-out to Mark, James, Rich, Matt C., Matt H., Amanda H., and my brothers, Derek and Austin and thank them and all other veterans for their service to our country. I am very proud to know them.

To conclude this blog, I present to you a video called, "The Gag Quartet". There are over forty internet memes in this song, but I would advise banging your head on a desk until you pass out before watching this if you actually sat through that 100-hour Nyan Cat video. Just saying.

Did you just wake up from banging your head on the desk? You might have a concussion, but I'm pretty sure you can watch this video before you go to the hospital: SMILEYFACE.

Well that's it for this issue, smiley face. Until next time, smiley face, keep trolling! Smiley face.

Happy Halloween!

And at long last, the week-late blog posting is here! Special thanks to last week's exams for the horrid amount of material I now have to go through since everything from last week had to be combined with the Halloween issue. Goodness, I wonder how whiny I'd be if this blog was actually popular.

I do have some good news to start us off. Puff counted seventy-three views for "Ian's Backlog" by the twenty-sixth, and a vast majority of those views occured in the first three days while I was advertising it. Also a record number of FOUR people checked reaction boxes. All responses were different, but I'm glad no one felt the need to check the "stupid" or "ysoserious?" boxes.

The last thing I need to update you on if you're not in the Facebook group is that I have, in a sense, taken my whiteboard down due to the worsening sexual harrassment. Well, the board wouldn't come off the door, but I took the marker away. The blog can still continue, though, because I have now created an online whiteboard for Facebook. It's a bit complicated to work with, but two people tried it successfully: basically they had to download the image of the board and draw on it on Paint. Then I compiled the images. I'm actually kind of excited about this, because I was always sad that my friends were too far away to draw on it (but now they can!).

Before the real whiteboard was closed, I asked for people's favorite quotes. I got one response, and after a while, I asked people to draw a dragon. Here are the boards:

Wait a minute...how on Earth does that look like a dragon? I swear some of the people on my hall are illiterate. Now, I get what this guy was trying to say, but this particular linear equation is not a proper model for that. This equation suggests that y=x, or in this case, S=H. This implies that any value in the universe could be plugged in, so I suppose this guy sometimes has a low S & H factor and sometimes a high S & H factor. Based on the featured region of the graph, neither value can be negative, which makes sense, but really this guy would have been more clear if he would have used a bar graph that compared his values to the values of other males, especially if the males' S & H factors ranged from drag-queen to jock. Also, he spelled "hottness" wrong, which detracts from the reliability of his sources which he did not cite. I'm just saying this guy failed. He was trying to troll, and it backfired. End of story.

Now here's where you get to see the new whiteboard. Since it was for the Halloween issue, I asked the question: "They say 'Trick or treat?' You say:"

The second response on the first board and the entire second board are from my second-cousin, Sara (lots of seconds in there). She's a dedicated follower of this blog and is therefore awesome. The first response is from a guy named Keith. I haven't met him in person, but when I advertised the blog in the A&M freshman class group, he said he wanted to join the WB&TR Facebook group and has been a great contributor since. In fact, a lot of the following items either are from him or include him. The third response is indeed off of Facebook, but Rich is serving our country and can't exactly download things or use his phone where he's at now.

The next whiteboard comes from Devon. This is not a recent one (she told me it was from her freshman year), but it's amazing. Enjoy it, and hopefully, she'll post more of them!

The last of the boards comes from Front Porch Grill (finally!) although the advertising nature of the comic suggests it was from one of the employees and not from just any random troll. Unfortunately, I'm hearing the place might be closing down. I have not been there, but I have heard they have good food. Plus, it's a BYOB place with a recently expanded porch. If you're in College Station, maybe you should stop by and see if the place is worth keeping in business. After all, they serve "cornbeard" and chili.

Now that I'm on the picture segment, I'm just going to feature Facebook trolling first and pictures last since I can't remember the exact order of all of them. These first two are from Rich, who has been very determined with his trolling in the group.

This next one is also from Rich. It's a long, drawn-out war of words that ended up separating four of us into two teams. Whether or not these teams will persist in other WB&TR wars is uncertain but would be interesting to pursue. Seriously, if we keep this up, we'll have to come up with names, T-shirts, souvenirs...this could get crazy.

I posted this one last, because first of all, I hate to end with me losing, and second, I'm very proud of myself for defeating Sean (whom I call "Troll") in a trolling battle.

That ends the Facebook trolling. Now for pictures! I went out with the CSCC guys (not College Station City Council) one night for Twiggy's b-day (Twiggy=smaller Ryan), and I saw this sign at Mad Hatters. One of my friends (can't remember who) told me one of the guys who works there just put the sign up randomly and that the bar doesn't actually give out free beer. As for whether or not that's true, I can't say, but that'd be some pretty bad trolling...and a great blonde joke (Blonde walks into a bar, sees the sign, comes back the next day, sees the sign, leaves confused, comes back... yeah, whatever, shut up.).

Here's a picture/story sent to me by Keith that made me smile. It just goes to show you that even convicts can be good trolls.

One day as I was walking home from campus, I saw a couple of people sitting near the statue of Lawrence Sullivan Ross with a ton of pumpkins. A couple days later, I saw this.

This is like the banana tree example in "Ian's Backlog" of good and bad trolling. Yay for Halloween and stuff, but those pumpkins are gonna go bad. They have been removed, though. Anyway, I wanted to say this statue here of "Sully" has a little bit of history which you can read here. Basically, people like to leave pennies on his shoes for good luck during exams. I, fortunately, was able to get a good picture of this good-trolling tradition.

We interrupt you to bring you this following announcement from iamtroll.in:

Problem, braniac?

That was a horrible transition. Buuuuuut here's a video to distract you from my failure! Thanks again to Keith. Just a warning, there is a little foul language.

VIDEO MADE OF AWESOME

If you skipped over the link just because you're too lazy to right-click and open up a new tab, just click on it, dangit. It's Bill O'Reilly getting rick rolled...and getting really ticked off about it. If there's anyone who doesn't know what rick rolling is (I didn't, and I feel like an idiot), Urban Dictionary sums it up pretty well. And if you don't know what video they're talking about, go here.

That's all for this Halloween! This issue's counter is Inky the black cat since it's a holiday. Ain't he adorable? Just don't get so caught up staring at him that you forget to CHECK A REACTION BOX BELOW.

When they ask you, "Trick or treat?" tonight, BE A TROLL.


(For examples, watch this less-than-four-minutes-mini-episode of The Guild.)